Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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