I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize