Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
