video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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