i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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