2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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