At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
