We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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