Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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