Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
