You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
