so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize