I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
