I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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