Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
