I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
