Swine flu. Run for my life!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
