Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
