just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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