your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
