I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
