I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
