I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
