watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
