No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize