It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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