my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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