I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
