saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
