I learned to sign I want to be on you today
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Deaf chicks here I come
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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