i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
