Whod you bang
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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