Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
