Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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