Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize