It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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