im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
