I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
