My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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