the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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