this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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