if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
