Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
