he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
True college students do jello shots in the library
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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