I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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