My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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