Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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