There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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