Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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