Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
