It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
