I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
