the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
