He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
