I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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