you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
