my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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