i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
