guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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