I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
