let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
