my vag is so smooth its legendary
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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