Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
