I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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