I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
