he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
