why do cheetos always look like penises
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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