there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
