if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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